Singapore Election 2011 Jokes - Part Three

Here are some more Singapore Election 2011 jokes for my visitors.  Enjoy reading!

GY for Presidency?

WP: GY can run for Singapore presidency when he lost the election.

GY: It’s a joke! When I was a President of the Cambridge University Malaysia-Singapore Association, I had sporting long hair. Now look at me.

(Refer Wikipedia on GY Early life and education.)

Is GY A Tiger?

WP: GY is being treated like an endangered species of tiger but we aren’t interested in killing any tigers. 

GY: Hey! How can I be a tiger? I was born in the year of the horse in 1954.

(Refer Wikipedia on GY Early life and education.)

Cleaner’s Prediction

Cleaner A: I’m sure PAP will win this constituency.

Cleaner B: What make you so sure?

Cleaner A: Look at all these pile of trash bags of opposition party fliers thrown away by the residents.

Taxes

Before Election

Ruling Party: We promise that we’ll not increase GST for the next five years if elected.

After Winning Election

Ruling Party: This year budget, GST remains unchanged as promised before election but we have other form of income to increase. There are ERP charges, cigarette tax, maid levy, foreign worker levy, casino entry fee and alcoholic beverages percentage based tax. We’ll increase our budget surplus for this year by S$ X billion dollars. This increase is to help us continue to build a strong reserve as our country has no natural resources.

(Note: Singapore is one of the top ten richest countries in the world.)

Children's Future

Ruling Party: Your votes will decide your children’s future.

Our Children: When you become the ruling party again, we can see our future clearly. Higher tuition fees for our parents to see us through university education. Higher HDB prices that takes a long time to pay and leaving little money for our retirement.

Cooling-off Day

Voter A: Today is cooling-off day and tomorrow will be the day to cast your vote.

Voter B: It’s supposed to be cooling but why today’s weather is extremely hot and humid.

Singapore Election 2011 Jokes - Part Two

The responses to my earlier blog on Singapore Election 2011 jokes were encouraging.  Here are more of my election jokes to whet my visitors’ appetite. Enjoy reading!


Class Size

Opposition Leader: Vote for me! We will reduce class size to twenty instead of forty in school classroom.  You as parents will save on tuition fees.
Tuition Agency Boss: Oh no! I will be out of business if I vote for him.


Many Different Voting Perspectives

Question: Who will you vote for in this election at your constituency? PAP or The Opposition?

Avid Supporter: What color shirt I am wearing will tell you which party I’ll vote.
Gambler:  It depends on which party I bet on to win.
Old Uncle: I’ll vote for the party with the most beautiful female candidates.
Gen Y: Let me check my Facebook friends’ comments to decide.
Old Grandmother: I’ll vote for both. I may not live to see their election promises.

(Note : A gogo means ‘In abundance’ in French – phrase made popular by music and dancing)


Blind Voter at Polling Station

Blind Voter: Is my voting secret?
Presiding Officer: Yes, it is!
Blind Voter: Then can we cross our pinkies to keep it a secret as you help me mark my choice?
 
(Suggestion: Singapore Election Department should design voting slip for the blind or visually handicapped using Braille to allow them to vote by themselves.)


Pap Smear

Lecturer: What is Pap Smear?
Student: It’s a tactic used by PAP during election to smear the cancerous opposition from being voted into parliament. 


Mistaken Identity

Shopper A: I see a group of red-shirt personnel distributing fliers over there.  Maybe, we can get some good discounts for latest mobile phones. Let’s go get one.
Shopper B: Oh, Oh! We got the wrong number.  They are the opposition party members for the general election.
 
(Note: One distinctive corporate color of a telecommunications company in Singapore is red.)


Housing and Development Board (HDB) Prices

Opposition: One of our manifestos is to bring down the prices of HDB.
PAP: HDB prices at PAP ward is 3% to 16% higher than the opposition for similar flats.
Opposition: PAP is confirming our manifesto on lower HDB prices.  If all wards belong to the opposition, then Singaporeans shall enjoy lower affordable HDB prices.


Vandalism on Election Properties

Voter A: Look at those unsightly vandalized PAP posters and banners. What happen to our education system?
Voter B: Our education system is definitely below Swiss standards…when our MRT train was vandalized by one of the Swiss nationals, it looked so artistic that MRT staff thought was a new advertisement being painted.

Singapore Election 2011 Jokes

I would like to share some Singapore Election 2011 jokes.

Singapore polling day will be held on Saturday, 7 May 2011.

The list of parties involved in Singapore General Election 2011 is as follows:

1. PAP: People’s Action Party
2. WP: Workers’ Party
3. NSP: National Solidarity Party
4. SDP: Singapore Democratic Party
5. SPP: Singapore People’s Party
6. RP: Reform Party
7. SDA: Singapore Democratic Alliance


Humorous dialogue with each other.

PAP: Pay And Pay.
WP: Why Pay?
NSP: Never Say Pay.
SDP: So, Don’t Pay.
SPP: Still, People Pay.
RP: Regret Paying.
SDA: Stupid Damn A**.



PAP Vs WP Party Logos.

WP: We will use our hammer to knock down PAP.
PAP: Before they knock us down, our lightning will strike their hammer.
WP: This 2011 election, we are prepared. Our hammer is insulated.

(Note: PAP logo symbol is a lightning whereas WP logo is a hammer.)



Flying Kite at Election Rally Ground

Son: Dad, why is the opposition party flying kite with their banner at their election rally ground?
Dad: Son, you read about the famous inventor of the lightning rod, Benjamin Franklin. They want to avoid unnecessary lightning strikes. (Dad pointing to the PAP logo.)



Impossible Or Possible

Pessimistic Member: It's impossible to win PAP in the general election.
Optimistic Leader: It depends on your punctuation. You can change the Impossible to I'm possible. Remember US President Obama said, "We can change."



Repent

Messiah Mentor: If you vote for the opposition party, you've five years to live and repent.
Sinful Voters: If we vote for the Holy Trinity, The Father, Son and Holy Goh, can we have more days to worship you in the convention halls of commercial buildings?